braindead

2010-06-18T08:54:00.001+08:00

U have a special place here.

2009-11-27T19:05:00.002+08:00

"Back here you never loved
You shake the shivers off
You take a drink to get your courage up
Can you believe it
Just this once
Just for now
And just like that
It's over"

2009-06-17T00:28:00.002+08:00

sometimes we do things that doesn't make us feel good inside. and even when we know this, we continue to do these things as if we do not have a choice. i guess most of the time it is because in our minds we truly believe that we will feel much worst if we don't do these things. however, at some point i think we have to conquer the fear that is making us keep doing these things and have the courage to find other things out there that we certain know will make us feel much better.

but then again, certain things are just easier said than done aye?

2009-06-06T01:23:00.003+08:00

woah. almost 3 months since the last post. but what's new aye?:) ok it feels kinda weird blogging again. like i can't really write whats in my head. not that i was able to do that properly in the past either, but oh well. hahah.

ok i'm kinda wondering why this blog still exists. since like barely anyone comes here anw, not even me. and i highly doubt that mad comes here often also. lol. but yar, somehow i don't think i want to delete this blog. like it has sentimental value and shit? hahah. yeah, thats just me i guess.

i realised that i can get attached to anything easily. as in like it will take much time and effort for me to let go of certain things? for example, the bookshelf in my room is still packed with o'levels book, worksheets and i'm pretty sure there's a couple of o'levels exam qn paper among them as well. i dont know why but like a part of me doesnt really want to throw them away cause they remind me of that period of my life? like those times in sec sch and ard o's and stuff. hmm..

and like that part of me is kinda worried that if i were to throw these things away, eventually i might just forget abt the things that happened before? ok its either that or maybe i'm just lazy to clean up my room huh? lol. well, maybe it's both:)

but yar, i kinda believe that i need to have these tangible things to keep my past memories alive? ah, i don't think i'm making sense:/ and no, if you're thinking i'm just like living in the past or something, well i'm not. i'm having fun living in the present! serious! life's great:) hahah. but it's like, i still want to feel a sense of connection to my past you know. i kinda have this fear of waking up one day and not remembering the things that happened in my life, not remembering the people or little experiences that affected my life in one way or another that brought me to where i am today.

somehow i wonder how people can just choose to, or even want to forget certain memories from their past. and how they can just meet new people and experience new things and not feel bothered for not sustaining the connection they had with the people and things from their past. but hey, maybe that's just part of growing up that i still havent quite understand yet. and no, i'm not saying that i have maintained good relationships with everyone that i've met in the past and neither am i still connected with all other things that i've experienced. and yes, i do feel bad abt that at times. (again, i don't think i'm making sense. but oh well..) but, yar... ok my train of thought just suddenly stopped 0.0 wtf. lol

hmm.. ok i guess i'm just wondering if i'm the only one feels this way.. yeah:)

2009-03-19T00:58:00.002+08:00

omg come to think of it, everything is actually pretty hilarious. LOL. ah! stupid flu/fever was terribly messing with my head:) hahah. and now it seems like nothing really matters. which is good in a way? yeah! damn good actually:) lol.. ok mugging, here i come! and yes, 37.2 degrees celsius is nothing yo! hahah:)

2009-03-19T00:57:00.001+08:00

she's blaming it all on the fever:)

2009-03-15T21:27:00.002+08:00

she took the longer route home just so that she'll be able to get lost in her own world to think.

she wanted to think about all of it there and then so that the thinking will soon ceased and she can move on to mugging. but even after finishing a whole bottle of water and close to thirty minutes of thinking, walking, it seemed like she could never stop thinking. and she anathematised the stars for making her too saccharine.

she thinks she likes you, even though she knows you have the power to hurt her ever so deeply.

which made her to think that she's crazy. either that, or she's just naive and foolish.

she just wished that after a night of slumber she'll be able to wake up and at least have a clearer sense as to what is the actual thing that she was thinking about.

yes, it doesn't make sense to her either.

2009-03-15T00:48:00.002+08:00

A's results out last week. Having to decide what to do next sucks big time. Everyone has their dream job, their dream course etc.. So, do i do study something i like but have little prospects or smth that'll bring me the money. Making choices was never easy, i guess it never will be.

2009-03-09T21:13:00.002+08:00

i'm confused/worried about so many things at the moment, i cant decide which things to do first. ah omg.. i need.. a pause button. or something.

2009-02-25T23:07:00.003+08:00

no retarded comments abt my hair today. ytd my geog tutor actually asked me if my hair is real. he said that i looked as if i'm wearing a wig. stupid. lol..

had birthday celebration for the feb babies and our GP tutor during the last hour of GP just now. we ate pizzas and this delicious secret recipe cake and we camwhored. so yar it was fun:) i like my GP tutor! hahaha

had friendly against aj at NIE. the match was alright i guess, but like we need to improve alot for A'div.. after the match we celebrated ms ho's bday. so yar i ate cake again. hah. lol

oh. i fell during the match just now. like i think i fall during every training/match. totally need new shoes lah. and turf shoes also! ah. i guess i need to start saving money again:/

and nope. no twist in my story.

Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If i knew my place should i leave it there?

2009-02-23T22:47:00.002+08:00

i reached sch slightly earlier today, so as usual i went to the table where the guys usually sit at. i couldnt be bothered to sit cause it was time for morning assembly and ppl were moving to e parade square already, so i just stood beside the table and waited for them to pack their bag and stuff. and then mrs wee walked by while she was telling the students to get to the parade square..

mrs wee: are you alright? (and she looked at me)

me: erm.. yar..? (i was like wondering what was wrong with me. like maybe i got blood at the side of my head or something. lol)

mrs wee: what's the point of looking like you just came from a typhoon hit area? (and she pointed to my hair)

mrs wee: go comb your your hair nicely!

LOL. i guess my hair was very messy or something.hahah:)

had training at NIE pitch today. ainah and i had to go there on our own cause we ended our last lesson at like 6. stupid. when we reached there i was like shocked to see the number of J1s that were there. i think there were like araound 30 of them. wonder how many of their names i'll rmb. heh. sorry lah i'm just not that good with names.

anw, a few of them were really good. like seriously. i think they used to play hockey in sec sch or something. yar.. so lim seng and i was like saying how theres more hope for us to win matches now. hahah:)

So you see, this world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I had just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you

2009-02-02T01:10:00.002+08:00

this past week..

- basically just chilled at home during cny

- not being late for sch

- pms-ing terribly (thank god my friends are able to stand me and are just.. great:)..)

- loving GP lessons:)

- hanged out with the guys. lol

- beginning to enjoy H2 malay lessons

- missing hockey training

- trying another route to go back home. hahah

- saturdays are meant for the internet, playing guitar, watching shows/movies and total slacking

sunday:

went to my dad's shop shop for my weekly reflexology therapy and then after that went to bedok to cut my hair. maybe it's like a slightly too short now, but oh well hair will grow. and mine grows super fast. lol..

after dat went back home to change. then, headed to yueli's house for the last minute cny party thing. played wii, watched some of them gamble. hahah. and then we ate pizza, bbq satay and sausages. after that we were like jamming with yueli's guitar and drum set. so cool lah. i want a drums set too! lol

then after that we just talked:) and then at around almost 11pm left yueli's house with audrey and jolene. had quite a nice time walking down the long slope from yueli's house to the main road.yup:)

check yes juliet, what about now, only one, teardrops on my guitar, wake me up when september ends, what hurts the most, other songs. romance de amour. awesome:)

2009-01-27T16:03:00.003+08:00

woah the last post was in dec last yr0.0 lol

so the past few weeks have been pretty nice. as always, i can't clearly rmb what had happened but i dont know, at this point of time everything seems fine, so yeah:)

stuffs that i do rmb..

- screwed up almost all the the review tests. so whats new?:)

- sprained my left ankle:(

- started gg back for hockey training! though i don't really do much..

- rajesh, izni, ainah, asha, pranesh:)!!

- hockey camp:)

ok come to think of it, surprisingly i could actually rmb quite a lot of stuff that happened. lol..

ok so this yr i think i wont be coming online much. maybe like only during the weekends or something. cause i figured that when i come online i usually waste a lot of time doing rubbish and erm, i cant really afford to waste so much time this year. yeah, blame the A'levels. hahah. yes i know i'm panicking too soon or something, and the panicky state might wear off soon and i might start to slack again or something, but oh well:)..

2008-12-22T03:44:00.002+08:00

isdgjnuwteyuskjsrtitydnvofemtrinbsyvsntyqpoajuxb

2008-12-20T02:58:00.005+08:00

You changed my whole life
Don't know what your doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all super human, you did this to me
A superhuman heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you
Superhuman
Superhuman..

ok that song is just stuck in my head. i guess its because of the way chris brown sang the song, or the way he acted and expressed the song in the music video. like theres so much emotion in his voice and on his face when he sang it. hahah. i dunno, its just like.. woah. hahah. and i guess a part of me kind of wonder how it feels like to feel that way. like you know, to feel all 'superhuman' and feel like you can do anything in the world just because of love or because of someone? however theres also another small part of me that kinda know how that feels like but, i dunno i guess its been quite awhile since i actually felt that way, so its kinda hard to try to rmb how it really felt like. hmm..

ok that sounded quite emo. and confusing. hahah! lol. anw.. just finished packing my bag and stuff. so i guess i should be going to sleep now cause i my mum will be waking me up at 4.30 tmr cause we need to leave the house at like 6am. aaahh! so early!! hahah. yeah.. ok so goodbye s'pore, see you on monday. lol:)

2008-12-17T02:00:00.002+08:00

The Secret Life of Bees

"why..?"

hahah. ok i'm gna buy and read the book someday:)

2008-12-17T00:42:00.002+08:00

ok here's my post farhana.
anyway, i don't remember if you returned the superman book. but i think i still have a few CDs with you? haha.

Went down with far to the ICA building today. We took a cab and the driver started singing out of the blue. I don't know how we started talking to him but he was telling us about how he didn't have the chance to learn and pursue a career in the music industry when he was younger and now that he has the chance, he doesn't have the energy to pursue it anymore.
Its kinda sad how passion and survival don't always go together and more often than not, we have to give up one to have the other. Given a choice, what will you choose?

2008-12-14T23:08:00.002+08:00

i just watched superman returns on channel 5. so i've watched the movie for dont know how many times and i still like watching it. i like the storyline i guess. its sad but like nice as well.. ok i sound stupid. lol. anw, i was looking at the cable's channel guide page and stuff..

me: eh! later got love actually! you watch the movie before? i havent

sis: erm. no.. see the more info leh, i want to read

*after reading the movie info*

sis: theres 8 main characters in the movie???!!

me: er yar..

sis: huh. then how do i watched the movie? like i cant even understand most movies which only have a few main characters. how to rmb 8 main characters? i will get confused:/

LOL. my sis is retarded:) hahah

oh. mad! i just rmb something. you know i borrowed your superman book before. its called the life and death of superman or something and its about superman vs doomsday.. have i like returned it to you? cause i cant rmb if i did or not:/ lol

2008-12-09T23:47:00.002+08:00

ok i wanted to blog abt the past few days or something but i got like a terrible headache or something suddenly. like the left side of my brain fells like its being squeezed:/ lol. so i decided to try to go and sleep instead. hopefully the headache or something will be totally gone by tmr. cause theres some stupid CIP tmr and having the headache while asking ppl to donate wont be that fun. lol

i'm beginning to wonder if mad lim still rmb the username and password for this blog cause she havent posted anything for quite some time. hahah. but i dont blame you for not blogging mad, cause yar no one really comes to our blog anw. lol

2008-11-29T22:17:00.003+08:00

ok i'm gna blog abt today cause i'm feeling hyper:] hahah. ok i spent like almost the whole day at palawan beach today cause i went for my uncle's company's family day. ok so in the morning, i wasnt really excited about the whole thing considering i only had like 3hrs of sleep and we had to wait a long time for the bus to harbourfront to come. and i kind of regretted going when i realised that we're gna seat together with like 15 other ppl, who are mostly above the age of 25 and i knew none of them. so yar at first it felt pretty weird for me. oh and especially when they keep saying that this other girl looks like me and i really dont think we do. lol

but then the real family day event started and the day got better:] like i started to swim with some of the kids there, let the 4 of them bully me and. lol. and i watched the rest played in the soccer and volleyball competition, and just mingle with everyone. and somehow it seems like the 15-20 of us are part of a team and we're beating the rest of other the people from the company. hahah! ok retarded. yeah but oh well:) anw yar in the end we got 2nd for volleyball, 1st for soccer and 1st for the telematch! and all of us got on stage to get the prizes and celebrate/dance. lol

the telematch! was so fun especially cause we like owned the other 3 teams. hahah. we played the caterpillar game where we have to stand on the chairs and pass them to the front as we move as a team, some game abt which team can collect the most water by passing this wet sponge and in the last game we had to wear this guni sack, hop all the way to another place, take a packet of sweet covered with flour by only using our mouth and hop back to the team.

when i heard the rules iwas like thinking "OH NO! MY ANKLE:/" hahah. cause yar i havent jump/hop properly since i broke my ankle. but yeah i just decided to not be a chicken and just play the game. lol. and ok my ankle hurts a bit right now, but at least i didnt fall and i certainly had fun while playing:)

then soon after the last game all of us packed/changed/bathed and left the beach. one of my uncle's friends decided to send some of us home in his lorry. yeah, lorry. interesting right? lol. so i asked his 10 year old son how big was the lorry and he said its really big. so i thought it must be one of those container kind lorry or something..

yeah and we went back to harbourfront and walked to the carpark and i saw the lorry. it was huge! like you know the kind that have a crane attached to it. yup, that big thing. 5 of us sat at the back of the lorry where there was no shelter or anything above our heads. the ride home was real nice:) cause we kept laughing at this person who was so scared that she might fall of the lorry or got caught by the police and she so she just kept her head down and just looked at the floor of the lorry. hahah! looking at the sky and feeling the wind through my hair at while travelling at that speed felt really nice for some reason. hahah:)

ok this post is quite long and i think some parts are confusing. lol. but yar i just wanted to type it all out cause today was great and theres something about today that i especially want to remember:)

alright i'm gna put on some lotion on my red body and face. lol. stupid sunburn. even my lips are red.

2008-11-03T02:56:00.003+08:00

still awake cause i just finished setting up the class's blog. yeah i know its a bit late right. like almost at the end of the year then we decide to set up a class blog. lol

today:

- watched 3 movies

- dodgeball, x-men the last stand, disturbia

- disturbia was niiccee... lol

- ordered the food for bbq on wed

- looked for paper plates, fork&spoons, cups etc. in the kitchen

- at ard 1am, i contemplated on whether to eat or not

- decided to finally do the class blog instead

- and now i'm blogging:)

to all those taking the A'levels this year:

- don't die yet

- when this is over you guys are gna have a long long holiday to have fun!

- yup. so hang on and good luck!:)

2008-10-27T22:52:00.004+08:00

watched HSM3 with mad and war on saturday. (yar, they totally don't need to study already cause both of them are very sure that they'll get straight As for A'level. lol. heh) anw yar the movie was nice and fun and sweet, like the other 2 HSM movies. hahah. after that we went to eat at swensens, where war and i bought HSM3 files. yeah, if you go eat the HSM3 set meal at swensens you can buy the files at $1 each. lol..

ok i don't know what else to say, so yar.. pics! hahah

20/10/08: Kairos Outing

some program for the senior J1s so that we wont be rotting in school while the rest of our classmates did their PW. lol.. the school thought that it would be nice to bring us to blangah and make us walk along some bridges all the way to vivo. yup

we started walking at some park/semi-jungle at blangah..

and we walked to somewhere near hortpark..

we rested/played/eat there while waiting for the rain to stop..

and then we continued to walk till we reached this super scary high, never-ending, metal bridge..

and we walked all the way up the hill where theres this pretty walkway/wooden bridge thing..

and we were ^ above sea level. lol..

yeah after that we just continued to walk down the hill and all the way to vivo..

saw this sign on the way down the hill. for some reason i think its funny:)

2008-10-07T23:46:00.007+08:00

ok so the blog has been dead for like a whole month. blame the prelims and promos. hahah.

anw..

PICS!!

:)...

2008-09-11T21:26:00.000+08:00

And I’m thinking of what Sarah said,
That love is watching someone die.
So who’s going to watch you die?
So who's going to watch you die?
So who's going to watch you die?

2008-08-26T20:58:00.002+08:00

You are the earth beneath my feet,
You are my gravity.
Cause lately I've been tired and uninspired.
Cause lately I've been tired, oh-so tired.

2008-08-23T04:21:00.002+08:00

ok i fell asleep at like 8.30 last night and i just woke up. wtshit. and i'm hungry. lol. cause i didnt even eat dinner before i suddenly fell asleep. you know it's one of those times when you like suddenly fall asleep when you dont even plan to sleep. cause one moment i was like msging ppl and using the com and suddenly i'm asleep. i guess i'm really tired of something.. or maybe i'm just lazy. lol.. ok this post is just random and retarded. hahah. but oh well:)

2008-08-11T20:39:00.000+08:00

veiled

2008-08-10T10:15:00.002+08:00

farhana, i know what you were feeling when you blog things like that at 2am.
Sleepless nights are hard to get by, that i know.
So many thoughts and words you wish you could say but no, they won't be heard.
Cheer up my friend, cheer up.

2008-08-10T02:15:00.003+08:00

may we see want we want to see

may we hear what we want to hear.

so that we'll keep thinking the way we do

so that the confusion will cease

and the lies remain unknown

to others and to ourself.

and also so that we'll still believe

in the things we want to believe in.

be it true or false,

right or wrong.

may we still be real and true

even though its never really certain.

just so that we'll find reasons to justify

the way we act,

the way we feel,

the way we think,

the way we judge.

Nope, thats not me.

well at least i hope not.

2008-08-08T22:09:00.002+08:00

Dear ankle,

Can you like please recover faster. cause i'm starting to get really frustrated.

Love, Me.

2008-08-04T00:16:00.003+08:00

Farhana:
go eat ice cubes so dat u'll have brain freeze and so u wont think alreadi

my friend is lame. pun intended.

2008-08-02T23:05:00.001+08:00

I wonder.

have i told you lately that you are beautiful in every way?

2008-07-28T22:52:00.007+08:00

Haven't got all the pics yet but i guess i won't ge them anytime soon so i'll just post with these eh far?

Went out with farhana and waritta a week or two back.

First we went to far's place to escort her to the carriage

Then we proceeded to PS to catch The Dark Knight.
a place so familiar; a memory so sweet

Sent farhana back after dinner then we proceeded to clarke quay for some drinks.

Every corner every turn;
a memory i remember.

To these bittersweet images i toast;
to you i surrender.

iweffrybgohyuuyowentylmkylokiknyherfwvfhbgoaswgfihyfjueloekmlgh

2008-07-28T00:58:00.002+08:00

ok today was kinda boring and erm. not that nice. but then i watched Tenacious D and The Pick of Destiny. crazy funny. i love jack black. hahah. and after that i watched I Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. again, funny shit. and erm yar. phew.. so yar i'm happy. hahah:)

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ got a damn nice _ _ _ !!! LOL

ok mad, go figure out what i'm talking about. if anyone else figure it out then, oops. hahah!:)

2008-07-15T22:53:00.002+08:00

When you cry, be sure to dry your eyes,
'Cause better days are sure to come.

And when you pray, pray for strength to help you carry on,

When the troubles come your way.

''I'm ron, you're harry. (:"

hahah. yar cause i wear specs and you dont. lol:)

2008-07-13T18:39:00.003+08:00

Slept at around 2 last night. Its sunday, I thought I could sleep in and rest.
But no, my sleep wasn't at all peaceful. I woke up several times in the middle of the night just holding on to my bolster and tossing and turning.

Walked the dog with waritta then went to visit farhana. A meet up with them never fails to cheer me up at least a little. Thanks, friends.

2008-07-11T23:23:00.000+08:00

A few days back, a dream woke me up. I cannot recall who, what, when or where the dream was about. All I remember was that I woke up with your name on my lips.

I know and I understand.

Just so you know, this love of mine remains steadfast and strong.
To be carefree is what I wish for you, time is not matter

Day and night, I’ll by your side.

2008-07-06T12:30:00.001+08:00

i miss you so.

2008-07-04T00:19:00.002+08:00

ok so the blog has been dead for past week or so due to the mid yr exams. all the last minute mugging and stuff. yup. and mid yrs was crappy as usual. glad that its over and done with. not gonna think about it.

oh but i might miss the sick bay. hahah. and my private toilet (the handicapped toilet) thats just in front of the sick bay. lol. taking the exams at the sick bay was actually quite nice. it felt like i was just doing assignments in my own room or something cause there was nobody around. and the fan was near. hahah. yeah it was nice.. oh except this one time when there was a cockroach in the room. the stupid cockroach happily crawled into the room while i was doing the physics paper. the worst part was when i couldnt see where it was. yeah so i was quite paranoid and distracted while doing physics. retarded cockroach. lol. yeah so i'm blaming the cockroach if i failed physics. hahah!

went for my first physio session at tts hospital ytd. the physiologist was good looking. lol. hahah. and he was friendly. yeah so thats good:) didnt really do much though. he just taught me some leg exercises that i have to do at home and taught me how to put some weight on the ankle while walking. have to the the exercises like twice daily to improve the ankle's movement and stuff cause now the ankle is very stiff. yeah. then i asked him how long will it take for my ankle to fully recover and he said if i do exercises and everything goes well, i'll be able to start walking in like a few months time.

so i'll probably be able to start walking in a few months time.

start walking.. a few months time..

i'm kind of undecided as to how i feel about that. i mean its good that my ankle is healing well and stuff but like having to wait for some more months.. its just.. yah..

2008-06-26T16:14:00.003+08:00

I've never loved and missed someone so bad.

Can you hear my eyes screaming "Don't leave my side for a second. I need you." when you look into them with those delicate eyes of yours?

I love you.

2008-06-22T00:45:00.002+08:00

This sudden rush of emotions.
A feeling so familiar.

This feeling of dread and anticipation is the worst mix of the lot.
I want these two weeks to fly by but i'm afraid of what lies ahead.

What about the dreams I painted?
What about the future I pictured?
If only we had the control over what to let remain constant and what not. If only.

2008-06-21T03:10:00.004+08:00

Andrea Gibson - Dive

there are sharks in the water
but the only way to survive
is to breathe deep
and dive.

http://www.andreagibson.org/poems/poems_dive.html

2008-06-13T23:59:00.002+08:00

Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.

somehow i feel like i stopped playing the game quite a long time ago.

now i'm not really sure how to start playing again..

and no, i'm not talking about softball or baseball.

2008-06-09T21:52:00.008+08:00

Went to far's house with war on sunday. It was a short but fun visit.

Here are some of the pictures we took.

2008-06-09T00:06:00.002+08:00

watched incredible tales just now and it freaked me out. like seriously. lol

luckily the show after that was funny and pretty interesting.

it's the new show about this guy who can bring dead ppl back to live and stuff. hilarious. go watch next week.

ok wanted to upload some pics.. but theres some euro matches going on.

n i really miss watching soccer.

so.. no pics for now. heh:)

2008-06-07T10:09:00.003+08:00

i woke up wishing that i were somebody else

wishing that i led a different life..

and it's not a pleasant feeling to wake up like that.

it's not..

Don't put your trust in walls
'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall

2008-06-01T02:09:00.001+08:00

person 2:
aiyoh i keep going to st's post to read
person 2:
hahahahahaha
person 1:
hahahahah!
person 1:
lovesick!!
person 1:
puppy!
person 1:
woof woof!!
person 1:
lol
person 2:
hahaha
person 2:
wth (person 1)!
person 2:
i'm not lovesick
person 2:
this is not being lovesick
person 1:
u're just in love
person 1:
lol
person 1:
ok fine
person 2:
eh if i'm lovesick then you cannot touch me
person 2:
hahaha
person 1:
obsessed?
perosn 2:
hahahah
person 2:
cause i'ma puppy?

yes, i'm so obsessed and in love with you.

2008-06-01T01:29:00.001+08:00

person 1:
oh i've been dreaming of girls like every 3 days
person 1:
its crazy
person1:
lol
person 1:
i think i'm too bored at home
person 1:
lol

person 2:
please start dreaming of boys
person 2:
or your mom will get worried
person 2:
hahaha

2008-05-31T00:38:00.001+08:00

Too - to an excessive extent or degree; beyond what is desirable, fitting, or right.

2008-05-30T01:45:00.005+08:00

All that you thought you'd never have
You hold in your hands
All that you thought you'd never love
Is right here above you
It's cruel

All that you thought would disappear
Is waiting right here
And all that you hold deep in your soul
Can never be sold

For all we know,

These days are all numbered,
But things could get better I know,
Cause I'll be the first and the last one to go,
Lord it's a cruel, cruel world

For all we know,
These days are all numbered
And things will get better I hope,
Cause I'll be the first and the last one to go,
Lord it's a cruel, cruel world without love

2008-05-30T00:33:00.006+08:00

Talked to a confused waritta just now. Hope that she got her brain sorted out already. This mechanism called love is hard to comprehend but the sweet aftertaste makes the toiling seem all worth it.

I know it has been days but i am still immensely proud of them. (:

And i'm proud of the thrilling eleven months we've been through too. (:

2008-05-27T23:37:00.002+08:00

And so the long break is finally here.
Although we still have to study our sorry asses off, I still love it because i get to revise and catch up and most importantly, we've got more free time.

Missed my physics spa today cause i remembered the day wrongly. Had to get an mc and stuff but all is fine now, i'll be taking it next week. Made a trip to the east to spend some quality time with the love. Have been having more time with that girl and i sure love every second. (:

When you hold my hand in yours
When you lie so calm in my arms
When you hug me so tight
That is when I know that this love is meant to be and WE will never cease.

2008-05-24T00:24:00.004+08:00

went to school on tuesday thinking that i'll just attend school for the entire week since the GP exam is on friday. but by the end of that day, my ankle got more swollen and uncomfortable.

so i decided to stay at home on wednesday and thursday.

went to school for 2+hrs just now for the GP exam. i think i did quite badly:/ but oh well, at least its done and over with. yup

so the june holiday is finally here and i'm really really glad.

i'll be at home for the entire month resting my leg and mugging.

i have so much to catch up on because of the 5 weeks mc.

ah! yes. june is meant for mugging..

the best soccer team in the world!:) heh

i was dying in front of the tv while watching the players took the penalties. very stressful. hahah. and when van der sar managed to made that last save. wah.. if my ankle wasnt injured i would be jumping ard the living room. lol

but still, was kinda sad for john terry. heh. seriously i think he's a good captain..

if he was able to score that goal chelsea would have been the champions.. he was so close to leading his team to victory.. yet he didnt because he slipped. slipped. its not like as if he kicked the ball at the wrong angle or something. aiyah i think its just sad:/

hahah. yes i'm really really happy that man u won the penalties. really i am! lol. but i think it would have been better if john terry didnt slipped and fall in the process. like man u won just because van der sar made more saves than cech(which VDS is fully capable of doing). no john-terry-falling involved. haha. it would seem more.. fair for chelsea to lose that way..

ok i dont think i'm making any sense but oh well:)

oh and i almost forgot..

hello that someone! madeleine told me to tell you that she loves you a lot. a lot, a lot.. lol. you should know who you are eh? hahah:)

2008-05-22T05:44:00.002+08:00

WAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

I ADMIT WE GOT LUCKY BUT I DON'T CARE AS LONG AS WE WIN!

ANYWAY, THANKS JOHN TERRY. (:

SUPER HAPPY!

oh, farhana said she was sending 'mind messages' to the players. like wth. hahaha.

2008-05-17T22:39:00.001+08:00

fuck.

My head hurts.

2008-05-14T23:52:00.001+08:00

life isnt fair. cause thats just the way it is.

how i wish i could just not care.

2008-05-13T22:52:00.002+08:00

ok i'm bored. and restless. i want to walk. it gets frustrating when i have to use the crutches even to move from my bed to the wardrobe which is like at most 3m away. ah i feel so.. restricted.

2008-05-12T20:54:00.007+08:00

FIRSTLY, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, MANCHESTER UNTITED WON THE EPL TITLE FOR THE 2007-2008 SEASON. (:
And we won more than just by goal difference, chelsea fans.

Monday monday. Wasn't feeling really good in the beginning but i got happier so its good.
Took a bus to the east side of singapore after school. While waiting at Eunos station for the coast to be cleared, i decided to check out those shops at the station. I was looking at the trays of sushi went someone tapped my shoulder. I turned around and saw a friend whom I haven't met in a few years. I know she doesn't live in the east so i asked where she was heading. Kinda taken aback by the answer. All i managed to ask in that few minutes was to ask what school is she in. I realised i didn't ask for her number after she left. All I can say is that i hope we'll meet again.
She has a good nature. Don't blame her for the brokenness she had to handle.

Anyway, in that few hours i spent in the east, i realised not only that if my love isn't pinching me then she's biting me . I realised that her maid is under the impression that i'm always hungry. hahaha.

you lift me up. (:

2008-05-11T16:28:00.002+08:00

I have a blister at the sole of my right foot. If you ask me, I don't think it hurts or hinders me in any way but it really irritates me. The look and existance of it. Perhaps I should cut it off but it'll hurt and I don't want that. heh.

Your touch makes me fly.

2008-05-11T01:43:00.003+08:00

i'm gna snap out of it. i have to. because staying like this is just not right. i dont feel right. and its making me feel like crap..

i know i'm better than this.

yes, i'm better than this.

i am.

2008-05-09T23:52:00.005+08:00

Do I? Will I? Am I? perhaps.

Me: Poisson is the guy who said that 'life is only good for two things; doing mathematics and teaching mathematics'.
Her: Crazy.
Me: Crazy.
Her: Aiyoh, such a parrot you know?!
Me: You just kissed a parrot.

hahahahaha.

Anyway friend, i like this skin. Thanks. (:
I know i suck cause i haven't visited you but come on, you know i still care. heh.
I'll go down and visit your disfigured leg as soon as i can find time. ( maybe i'll cook noodles for you again so look forward to it and pretend to be happy). I promise i will talk to it and befriend it. Perhaps i'll give it a name too? haha ok, you get my drift.

Anyway, your post was kinda touching. About how three of us grew up together and all. I've got to agree that we've grown much, physically and emotionally. I guess what made our friendship last is the honesty and trust we have towards each other. For one, we hardly have any secrets between us. Sometimes we don't get to meet or talk for long spells but we never seem to be too distant from each other (no, not talking how near we live. haha).

Remember how at some point in our lives we all ever said that we didn't believe in love? (Yes, i know i was probably the most convicted but I met someone who proved my theories wrong and i thank God for that). Yet, we proved to be suckers for love. When we fall, we fall crazily and madly. We love whole heartedly and all those talks about sparing ourselves from heartaches make us look stupid. Our hearts are warm and they beat according to the beat of love.

Oh, i remember too the times when we point out bad points about each other and about ourselves. We don't do this to put each other down but instead, to wake that person up and hopes that she starts thinking rationally. Remember the times we told each other how disgusting it is to get jealous and the person should snap out of it? haha.

So thank you to both of you for this bond we share. (:

Under the same nightsky,
We'll hold in tight embrace.
I'll whisper my love for you
And you'll tell me Yes I Do.

2008-05-09T00:29:00.004+08:00

ainah and rajesh came to visit me just now. pass me the card from our class and a mickey mouse mug. red mug. i like:) hahah. oh and they brought along all the homeworks/worksheets as well. its like one whole stack. now this, i dont like:/ hahah.

yesterday adeline, audrey, mas and mel tan come over also. they brought me food. a cookie and half a dozen donuts. i swear they want to make me fat. hahah. seriously, with all the junk food i've been eating i'm gna look like a snowman soon. round. lol.. we had fun looking at ppl's friendster/blog/lj. oh and watching some shows about insects on animal planet. yes, fun:)

some pics..

my hot teammates:)

a day before the surgery

the STITCHes near my ankle.. hahah

sigh.. there goes my pretty leg. lol

ok goodnight all:)

2008-05-06T23:17:00.003+08:00

after playing the guitar and watching some shows online i couldnt think of anything better to do. so what did i do? i went to read this blog's archive. lol. and i realised something.. mad, my friend.. we're full of crap. like really. hahah.. i was laughing like crazy while reading some posts. laughed until i felt like i was gna have an asthma attack. lol:)

and i realised another thing too.. me, you and war.. we like practically grew up together. like you guys are always there when i was going through the growing up process. lol.. all the retarded stuff we did together since primary school.. like when we bully war. lol. ok not really bully but hahah.. the things we learnt from each other. whether good or bad. hahah.. remember the word i taught you and war in P6? LOL.. and how in sec sch we learnt that we cant really study together unless the exams are freaking near. hahah..

and in growing up together you guys also help me learn more about myself. hahah. i hope you know what i mean. lol.. going through life together learning about friendship, fun, love, heartbreaks, life itself.. i realised that you and war have been a big part of my life.. when i went through the ups and downs of life. you guys were always there with me. somehow. hahah:).. i cant imagine how my life would be like without any of you..

i know i dont usually do this. and i probably wont do this again. lol. but yah.. i just hope the 2 of you know that i really truly treasure the friendship we have. the both of you really mean a lot to me you know:)

2008-05-06T23:08:00.009+08:00

I was sitting at my desk and stoning after finishing chem and convincing myself that i won't know how to do the econs tutorial when i started taking random pictures of things. Simple things that mean so much.

My desk

Amusing fact is that i don't really do my work there. Instead, sometimes i spend hours just sitting there and staring at the wall. Its therapeutic, really. Sometimes you just need to remind yourself that life aint all that bad and you did have some jolly good time before.

My miniature drum set!

Farhana bought this for me when she went overseas a few years back. It reminds me of the carefree secondary school days where dreams seemed more attainable and less ridiculous. Where FUN was the centre of our lives.

Holland supporter's band

The one who wears it know what its for. (:

Movies I've watched with the dearest

I chose only to photograph the tickets cause well, the others are too personal. haha. anyway, my little box of stuff never fails to cheer me up. I can read whatever you've written over and over again and not get sick of them. All these tickets only serve as a reminder. A reminder of the great times we had/is having. I loved every moment and I still savour each second as much.

It's ordinary, plain, and simple
Typical, this everyday love
Same ol', same ol' keeping it new
Emotional, so familiar
Nothing about it too peculiar
Oh, but I can't get enough of this everyday love

2008-05-06T01:30:00.004+08:00

5 ways to use the crutches:

1) switching off the light before going to bed

2) closing the window

3) getting the remote controls from the table

4) to close the door

5) switching the fan on/off

heh:)

In front of your eyes
it falls from the skies
when you don't know what you're looking to find
In front of your eyes
it falls from the skies
when you just never know what you will find

2008-05-04T23:47:00.000+08:00

2008-05-04T22:58:00.003+08:00

The Surgery, and After

if i am not wrong the clock showed 19:48 when they pushed my bed into the operating theatre. then they moved me to the operating bed which was very small. lol. after that they gave me the anesthetic stuff and all. then one of them covered my mouth and nose with the breathing thing for oxygen or whatever gas that was in there and asked me to take 4 long breaths. i took in 4 long breaths and didnt feel sleepy. so i just kept taking long breaths. and i thought to myself: "okay i cannot close my eyes because if not they'll think that i've fallen asleep and then they'll take the oxygen thing away.." and that was the last thing before the surgery that i remember. lol

and then next i woke up crying due to the excruciating pain at the side of my right leg, near the ankle. then a woman's voice telling me that she was going to give me the 3rd shot of morphine. i wanted to tell her that i could still feel the pain but i couldnt speak. i couldnt even opened my eyes properly. so i just kept on crying. and the nurse gave me the 4th shot of morphine.

after that i settled down a bit but i could still feel the pain so i was still in tears. so the nurse asked the doctor there if it's ok for her to give me another shot. so yup, in total i received 5 shots of morphine after the surgery.

5 shots of morphine was bad. i didnt know the exact amount but the morphine made me puke like 5 times after that. and considering that my last proper meal was like 14 hrs before the surgery, i was just puking out saliva and whatever juices that was in my stomach. how fun. oh and i think the morphine was also the reason why i just slept for hours the next day.

2008-05-01T21:25:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone, farhana is right now lying in the hospital waiting to be operated on. She told me to pray that she doesn't 'wake up halfway through'. how dumb is that?! haha.

Oh, farhana changed the song for this blog. Its a really nice song, go check it out. She's jealous that I have someone to dedicate it too but she doesn't. (:

I don't want this moment, to ever end,
Where everything's nothing, without you.
I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile,
Cause it's true, I am nothing without you.
Through it all, I made my mistakes.
I stumble and fall,
But I mean these words.

2008-04-29T01:17:00.005+08:00

i cant sleep. maybe cause i'm not tired. you know lying in bed all day and all. but i dont know i'm guessing thats not whats keeping me awake. maybe theres a lot of things running through my mind right now. maybe its only one thing.

i feel like i want something that i'm never gonna get. and i know i'm never getting it. i shouldnt even be thinking about it actually.. okay maybe i dont really want it. maybe i just want to.. to feel like i want it. hmm.

ok ignore the crap above. i dont know what i'm talking about either.

on a lighter note:

lol. ok lame i know but oh well. i had nothing better to do at home. hahah:)

2008-04-28T00:11:00.002+08:00

tmr is monday and i'm still not going back to school yet. cause the doc gave me mc for another week. being stuck at home for 2 weeks was bad enough. seriously its no fun. been staying in bed everyday since the last medical appointment. i'm getting sick of the bed. really. i never thought that would ever happen. lol

the broken part of the bone in my ankle shifted. so yeah in the end my mum and dad decided that its best if i go for the surgery. i cried like crazy. yeah, i did. i was scared as hell. still am actually. quite. but yar i know that i just have to go through with it i guess. and after thinking about it and all, i kind of want to go for the op asap. cause the sooner i go for the surgery, the sooner my ankle will heal.. yeah..

2008-04-23T21:29:00.004+08:00

Take it or leave it.

Those priceless smiles of yours had been absent but i won't fret because I know, I believe and I will bring those smiles back.
I may not be the most romantic person around but love, i just want you to know that I will honour my words and walk with you no matter what it takes.

Princess of mine, you deserve nothing but the best.

2008-04-18T21:04:00.002+08:00

me: my team playing their first match tmr..

dad: oh where's the match?

me: delta..

dad: then you're not going to watch them play?

me: erm.. mum dont let me go watch

lol. yeah so in the end i get to see my teammates play at delta:) was a bit sad though that i couldnt fight together with them..

from that night till now my ankle has been extra painful and uncomfortable. it will hurt like crazy every time i stand:( hopefully the pain is only cause the ligaments, tendon, fracture and whatever shit thats broken in there is like growing and getting better. sigh.. its like making me angry and sadder. like i feel so useless and all.. and it has only been 6 days. i have to bear with the pain, wear the cast and walk with crutches for like 3 months at least. aaahh..

2008-04-16T21:38:00.002+08:00

yeah it is sad to know that after about a year of training together, in the end i'll just be able to watch my teammates play the matches from the sidelines. but you know what is sadder? what's sadder is that i cant even watch them play. i cant even support them from the grandstand:(

i swear if my mum would just let me go out of the house for the few hours to watch them play at delta, i wouldnt even mind taking bus/mrt to go there. but the thing is my mum wouldnt even let me go when i told her that 2 of my friends will be fetching me from my house and that we'll be going to delta in a cab. and that they'll be cabbing with me back home after the game. it's just sad:(

i just want to be there with my teammates:( is that too much to ask for?

2008-04-13T19:12:00.005+08:00

while having dinner last night, i received a msg from farhana saying that she's in an ambulance. she played a prank on me before so i was a little doubtful but she swore that she's not lying in the message.
Farhana fractured her ankle, how sucky is that.
Take care friend. Enjoy your super long MC and break away from school. Consider revising your work though. And don't spend too much time on the net watching your beloved show.

I know how you feel about A'div. Sometimes we force ourselves to go onto the pitch even though we know we're not fully fit. painkiller, balm, tape. Anything that can relief that pain or discomfort for just an hour or two. Knowing that you can't even do that now and have to be at the sidelines watching your mates slogging their guts out on the pitch there can be a terrible experience.
Well, all i can say is that, take it that it might be a blessing in disguise? (yes, i know its hard to imagine how it can be a blessing)

Hey you, yes you.
The one who made my heart skip
The one who touched me so deep
The one who made me fall so madly
The one who made me whole.
Slow down for a little while,
Let me whisper my love for you,
let me tighten my grip around your hand.
Darling, i love you.

2008-04-07T01:28:00.004+08:00

Saturday

In front of your eyes
it falls from the skies
when you don't know what you're looking to find

Would you look at her

She looks at me
She's got me thinking about her constantly

Seemed to stop my breath

In your eyes I lost my place
Could stay a while and I'm melting
In your eyes like my first time

That I caught fire

I don't want this moment

to ever end

I need a little more luck than a little bit

Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I'll need a little good luck to get me by

B-b-b-but don't don't don't think think think I

Forgot you you you

'Cause you're always on my mind
And I'm running out of time

Now I'm heels over head,

I'm hangin' upside-down

She's been running through my dreams

And it's driving me crazy, it seems

so I'll waste these nights for a while

it's a thrill I can't shake

but it's hard to erase the feelings I've drawn

Your verse got trapped inside my head
Over and over again
You played yourself to death in me

I thought I'd drop you easily
But that was not to be
You burrowed like a summer tic
So you invade my sleep and confuse my dreams
Turn my nights to sleepless itch

hahah. ok i was bored:) go figure out which songs the words are from. lol

2008-03-13T22:49:00.002+08:00

when two hearts hurt because one failed to protect
when my heart breaks to see yours in sorrow.

thats when you know that i love you
and yearn for no more than a smile from your heart.

2008-03-13T21:55:00.006+08:00

The Used - Smother Me

Let me be the one who calls you baby
All the time
Surely you can take some comfort
Knowing that you're mine
Just hold me tight, lay by my side
and let me be the one who calls you
Baby all the time

Let me be the one who never leaves
You all alone
I hold my breath and lose the feeling
That I'm on my own
Hold me too tight stay by my side
and let me be the one who calls you
Baby all the time

When I'm alone time goes so slow
I need you here with me
and how my mistakes have made
Your heart break
Still I need you here with me
Baby I'm here

I found my place in the world
Could stare at your face for the rest of
my days
How can I breathe, turn my insides out
and Smother me
Warm and alive I'm all over you
would you smother me?

ok mad and war, i know i'm boring now cause i'm like deprived. LOL. hahah! aiyah but sooner or later i wont be deprived anymore right? so yeah i'll just wait:) hahah.. ok wish me luck on that. lol.. ok, besides u guys, i bet nobody else knows what this is about so yeah.. sshhhh.. heh heh. lol:)

2008-03-01T23:52:00.002+08:00

friday was great:) but then i felt a bit lousy in the evening:/

i think i'm getting my period soon. lol

i'm stuck on harvest moon. again. it's all priscilla 's fault! hahah:)

i seriously need to buy a hockey stick.. and lose weight:/

chocolates are evil.

2008-02-28T23:17:00.004+08:00

the past few days we've been ponning the mass lectures and spending hours at the back of the canteen playing our PSP/eating/sleeping/reading. too bad we have to start going for lectures again from next week onwards:/ hahah..

went to vivo with my mum at 2+ just now. she took half day off so that we can go to starhub and buy my new hp:] yay! hahah. but unfortunately the sony ericsson phone i wanted is not availabe yet. so i ended up buying a samsung. yup. its alright i guess. definitely better than the hp i'm currently using. lol:)

Sunsets never were so bright
And the skies never so blue

2008-02-28T23:04:00.000+08:00

Like waves crashing on the shore, one after another.

But the beach is still a beautiful place.

2008-02-23T21:52:00.002+08:00

You took her down and left her in the pits then and now you're reaching for her when she's already in safe hands.

Look here jerk, you're good with your words but i'm good with my heart.

2008-02-16T23:33:00.001+08:00

"In my opinion, the best thing you can do is to find the person who loves you exactly what you are"

2008-02-10T23:22:00.000+08:00

went to marina with my sis and cousins on thursday. we havent gone out together in a really long time. really really long time:/ lol. so yeah i was pretty happy. hahah:)

played at the arcade after buying the movie tickets

we were supposed to pose like we're running or something. lol

since we had a lot of time to waste,(it was like 2+ and our movie only starts at around 5. lol) we decided to go to the esplanade. we just talked and stuff.. yeah:)

in the esplanade toilet before heading back to marina to watch Juno

went to starbucks after the movie

my sister wanted to take a candid pic of me and my cousin. hah. she failed. lol:)

after that we went to visit another one of our cousin and her 2+weeks old baby girl!:)

i was so scared to carry the baby ok. lol. shes so small lah. hahah

gifts from god can come in many forms,

in many ways and even in the most
unexpected circumstances.. yup. hahah:)

2008-02-09T15:01:00.000+08:00

Went out with waritta after house visiting yesterday cause she needed my help for some sneaky business.

She was snapping away when she caught some funny shots of a complete stranger.

Lesson learnt: never stand near strangers who are taking photos.

2008-02-05T21:21:00.000+08:00

Had 3 matches against SRJC, GESS and UWC. Good experience. The international schools are really good, fitness and skills. Many times above us. They probably can beat our boys' team as well.

Jiayu is flying! hahaha.
Look at the height difference.

First match
Runnning.Chasing.Kicking.

Corner for them.

2008-01-28T23:33:00.000+08:00

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the light and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

Something so simple yet so strong.
I hate feeling like this.
Rip my heart out cause i want to think with my mind.

2008-01-26T22:52:00.000+08:00

monday:

- sch.. training.. nothing much

tuesday:

- Agape! (blood donating drive organised by pj)

- i was one of the helpers. so had no lessons for the whole day:]

- taking people's temperature and weight was actually quite fun. lol

- and due to boredom, ashikin, fizah, mas and audrey started to draw on my hand. hahah:)

- after that i went to thinned my hair. yup.

so yes mad, i'm no longer a lion.. at least for now. hahah

wednesday:

- agape again. gurmit singh came to visit pj. lol

- thhis time both my hands got vandalised. lol:)

- went to NTU pitch after sch

- had friendly match against the jurong west c'div boys

- lost 3-0. and now i'm really scared for A'div:/

- had dinner at jurong point after that

thursday:

- J1s dont need to go to sch.

- so yup i happily rotted at home:) hahah

friday:

- went to penin with nurul, audrey, mas and alecia to looks for hockey sticks

- but in the end only alecia bought her stick cause the rest of us cant decide which one to buy. lol

- went to sch for training after lunch

today:

- stayed at home

- war came for her normal visit. lol

oh. i forgot to mention. my hp is spoiled and i lost the small metal guitar i have in my wallet. hmph:/

2008-01-20T22:33:00.000+08:00

Went to watch police against ac at ccab. Farhana looked cute in that short skirt but its not very different from her school skirt according to love, which is quite true. 2 pics here, more in my lj. (:

2008-01-20T01:20:00.000+08:00

had a match against ova-vjc at delta just now. or should i say yesterday? hahah. anw.. we lost 3-0. yup. and i think i only played for like 10-15mins. lol.. after that we talked and watched another hockey match for awhile before we bathe. afterwards the rest went to eat dinner and i stayed to watch the crescent vs bakerites match alone. yup. why? well erm.. cause i like hockey:] hahah!..

well, today wasnt as smiley as last saturday. but oh well, its not like as if i didnt smile at all for the whole day:) ok i got to wake up early tmr for my religious class before going to cut my hair and i got another match in like 15hrs. so yup, bye:)

2008-01-15T23:52:00.001+08:00

All Time Low - Remembering Sunday

He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes

Started making his way past
Two in the morning
He hasn't been sober for days

Leaning now into the breeze
Remembering Sunday, he falls to his knees
They had breakfast together
But two eggs don't last
Like the feeling of what he needs

Now this place seems familiar to him
She pulled on his hand with a devilish grin
She led him upstairs
She led him upstairs
Left him dying to get in

Forgive me, I'm trying to find my calling
I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother
But have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm gonna ask her to marry me

Even though she doesn't believe in love
He's determined to call her bluff
Who could deny these butterflies?
They're filling his gut

Waking the neighbors, unfamiliar faces
He pleads though he tries
But he's only denied
Now he's dying to get inside

Forgive me, I'm trying to find my calling
I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother
But have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm gonna ask her to marry me

The neighbors said she moved away
Funny how it rained all day
I didn't think much of it then
But it's starting to all make sense
Oh, I can see now that all of these clouds
Are following me in my desperate endeavor
To find my whoever, wherever she may be

I'm not coming back
(Forgive me)
I've done something so terrible
I'm terrified to speak
(I'm not calling, I'm not calling)
But you'd expect that from me
I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt
(You're driving me crazy)
Now the rain is just washing you out of my hair
And out of my mind
Keeping an eye on the world
From so many thousands of feet off the ground
I'm over you now
I'm at home in the clouds, towering over your head

I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home

ok i still smile when i think about last sat. a stranger said hello to me at the ccab toilet. hahah. lol. ok i doubt that you'll ever read this but wherever you are, thanks eh:] i had a smiley saturday because of that:) hahah

2008-01-15T23:35:00.001+08:00

just came back from police training. training from 7pm-10pm. sch ended at like 1.30 and i straightaway went home to sleep before going for training. dont really know why but i feel i havent been sleeping properly these past few nights. hmm:/.. training wasnt that tiring but i sweated like crazy. by the end of training i was so drenched like i just played in the rain or something. oh and smoke(vapour? gas? lol) was coming out of my head/hair during training. hahah. of course i cant see it lah. but yar everyone said that my head was like steaming. lol. retarded:).. ok i'm glad that i bathed at the police academy after training. cause if not i think i'd be too lazy to bathe now. hahah. i'm tired.

ok my bed is calling me. night all:)

2008-01-10T22:46:00.000+08:00

Seven days since school started. I don't think things are at the peak yet but i'm already feeling quite sick of school. Ok, maybe not school, but the work to be precise. Got a new math tutor and i think almost the whole class thinks that he sucks. He probably thinks that we're so smart that he only has to READ the workings and don't even bother to explain on the board. oh well. I still like GP, its the most relaxing lesson. Oh yea, for the first time after eleven years in the education system, i actually see a need to start studying right now in january.

ok i something on that collage in the previous post caught my attention. correct me if i'm wrong, friend. I think that rainbow there has some other meaning behind it? Something that is quite a large part of our lives? lol.

Anyway, this blog belongs to a pair of friends who have known each other since they were seven. They are in different schools, have similar beliefs(except maybe the point about love) and love the same soccer team. In the name of fun, we will leave you guessing who posted what in every post.

2008-01-07T00:13:00.000+08:00

first week of sch was great. cause there was no lessons. hahah. they had like this special motivational program thing for the senior J1s from wed to fri. so basically for 3 whole days we just had to listen to the teachers motivational talks/stories etc. and we had to sing a retarded song and watched the movie Robots. it got pretty boring at times but i'd rather do this than go for lessons. heh:) oh! and we had art therapy! using crayons, scissors, mags, stickers and glue. reminded me of primary sch. hahah:)

my collage! we're supposed to make a collage about ourselves or what we like or.. anything:) hahah

oh and this.. we had to think of something, close our eyes and then try to draw the thing that we thought about. so yeah the drawing(the brown colour part) is not bad right? considering that i did it with my eyes closed:] hahah

Fri:

- hockey trials for PAE students. i was a bit biased towards the ex crescentians that showed up. heh. a bit lah ok. i cant help it. lol:]

- went for police training. reached home at 10+. shagged.

Sat:

- went for softball training in the morning

- went to shop in town with mum

- stay over at war's house with mad

Sun:

- slacked at home

- went to delta at 6pm

- watched the police vs TWSS and crescent vs TPJC hockey matches

and now i'm off to bed:)

2008-01-01T21:46:00.000+08:00

ok at first when i try to think of the things that happened in 2007 i couldnt rmb anything. it was like a blur. hahah. and then i rmb a good thing that happened. followed by another thing. and then some other things rushed through my mind. good and bad memories. but yeah.. really i think 2007 seemed a bit different than the previous years. ok i dont really know how to describe it but like.. there are not many things about 2007 that are really etched in my mind. hmm.. ok maybe my memory is just getting worst. lol. but i dunno.. its like the click movie. hahah. you know when the main character fast-forwarded his life to a few years later and he didnt really know what happened during the last few years? ok i'm not sure if anyone would get this but yeah something like that. like i fast-forwarded 2007. hahah. lol. oh well.. but that was 2007. and for some reason i feel that 2008 will be different:)

2007-12-31T01:03:00.000+08:00

crescent hockey carnival ytd. we played ok i guess. but i'm sure we can play a whole lot better. yup.. ok A'div will start in like 3 mths time. and as of now.. i dont think i'm prepared for it. esp cause my stamina is still like crap. in one of ytd's match i got replaced after like 4-5 mins of game time( 1 game lasted for 7mins) my coach said that i played well in the beginning but near the end i got tired. hah. yeah she's right. i was tired. sigh.. ok i cant be like this when A'div starts. yup, farhana. must start self-training or something. hahah. well theres not really much time left till A'div, but at least theres still time left to do something right? yup:)

2007-12-29T00:54:00.000+08:00

woke up at around 12pm when my cousin came to my house. bathe and then went to anchorpoint to buy something for the exchanging of christmas present later on. went to bloomington and bought a softballer figurine thing for the christmas present. bought another figurine for my uncle's birthday present and a signboard thing which is now taped on one of the doors of my wardrobe. bloomington sells so many interesting stuff . i fell like buying everything there. lol. after that we went home and i had to get ready for hockey training

had hockey training with the police u-21 team again at the old police academy. the warm-up was damn tiring. a lot of sprinting. and the jog-stride-sprint part. i felt like puking/fainting. hah. i'm so unfit. lol. but luckily the other game setup and drills after that werent that tiring.. training ended at like 8.30pm. after that i had to quickly change and cabbed to rachel lau's house for the D.rays bbq!

we had the bbq at her pretty balcony/rooftop thing which is like at the 3rd/4th level of her house. cool right? hahah. after eating we exchanged our christmas presents and i got this bag which is like made from last year's NDP banner or something. and some artist drew on it. hahah. pretty interesting eh? lol. then we took pictures. and awhile later many people started to leave.

so then there were only me, rachel lau, zesa, grace, bernette and tianyu left on the rooftop. we sang, played the guitar, played bridge(i tried to play. hahah), took pictures again.. yup. fun:) hahah.. then i told my mum that i was gna leave her house at 10.30 but i only asked rachel to help me call for a cab at like 11. lol.. and the cab was late so zesa called the cab operator again and found out that the driver got lost. this happened for like 3 times before i finally got on a cab home at around 12. and i was the last one to leave rachel's house. yup, her house is that hard to find. hahah:).. but really rachel lau's got the coolest house in the world! hahah. ok at least its the coolest house i've ever been to:) yup.. awesome house, awesome company, awesome night.. hahah:)

2007-12-26T19:36:00.000+08:00

hello, i'm back from malaysia. No photos here, its all in my lj. Blogger will take forever to upload those pictures. heh.
Reread deathly hallows, its the best book in the harry potter series man. love it.
Clique outing tomorrow, i hope it won't be cancelled again, we have a tendency to cancel it at the last minute. heh. Farhana is coming over to my place in the MORNING. we'll see if she manages to wake up. haha.

FARHANA KHANAFEE, TIME TO SWITCH TO LJ, ITS MUCH BETTER.

2007-12-19T02:31:00.000+08:00

Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)[?]

The Bottom Line

You have to let outmoded things pass. They are part of your history for a reason.

In Detail

Get out of the past today -- the days of yesteryear are only relevant in terms of retro clothing styles, classic movies, architecture, and musical inspirations. It's the future you should be focusing on right now. When it comes to romance and personal growth, you have to let outmoded things pass. They are history for a reason. The days of chivalry might be dead, but in their wake comes a wiser, more equal time full of opportunity. Get with the current times and think modern.

ok... hahah:)

so for the past few days i:

- didnt use the com

- didnt message anyone

- didnt go out

so basically for the past few days i just stayed at home. most of the time accompanied by the tv, psp, radio, guitar, pencil & paper. i dunno maybe i was just going through one of those times when you just want to be alone and spend time with yourself. i guess. hahah. i dunno i just wanted to do nothing. just watched the hours passed away. you know like just pause for awhile and not bothering about the past, present, future or whatever.. just doing the things you want to do and not because you have to.. yep, i was in lala land. lol. but yeah i'm back now:).. well at least i think i'm back. hahah:)

2007-12-12T23:20:00.000+08:00

IT’S THE TWELVETH!!!

Ok, that aside, my days have been good so far. In fact, its great, apart from the small unhappy incident in the beginning of the week and me suffering a knock near my ankle during training today.

Damn Liverpool won last night, was hoping that they will lose. EPL’s title race is getting exciting. I can’t wait for African nations cup to come and see how Arsenal copes then. My gut feeling tells me that Manchester United will win the title again. (:

Mind’s again on Friday, can’t wait! But I don’t want the week to end too fast. Damn.

Ok, I’m going to announce something.
I CREATED A LIVEJOURNAL ACCOUNT.
ironicfleak.livejournal.com
so, friends who are reading my blog now and has a lj account, please add me!

Ok, goodbye world.

Your skin against mine, perfect.

2007-12-11T02:05:00.000+08:00

you guys are supposed to stayover at my house tonight!

lol. but OH WELL..( right, mad? HAHAH!)

well at least my room is tidy now. hahah:)

oh i was looking for the lyrics of a Breaking Benjamin song.. and i found this site.

http://www.songmeanings.net

i think it's pretty cool. lol. like you can see how other ppl interpret the lyrics of the song that is stuck in your head right now.. hahah.

yes i was bored, and i have no life. hahah:)