ok i'm kinda wondering why this blog still exists. since like barely anyone comes here anw, not even me. and i highly doubt that mad comes here often also. lol. but yar, somehow i don't think i want to delete this blog. like it has sentimental value and shit? hahah. yeah, thats just me i guess.

i realised that i can get attached to anything easily. as in like it will take much time and effort for me to let go of certain things? for example, the bookshelf in my room is still packed with o'levels book, worksheets and i'm pretty sure there's a couple of o'levels exam qn paper among them as well. i dont know why but like a part of me doesnt really want to throw them away cause they remind me of that period of my life? like those times in sec sch and ard o's and stuff. hmm..

and like that part of me is kinda worried that if i were to throw these things away, eventually i might just forget abt the things that happened before? ok its either that or maybe i'm just lazy to clean up my room huh? lol. well, maybe it's both:)

but yar, i kinda believe that i need to have these tangible things to keep my past memories alive? ah, i don't think i'm making sense:/ and no, if you're thinking i'm just like living in the past or something, well i'm not. i'm having fun living in the present! serious! life's great:) hahah. but it's like, i still want to feel a sense of connection to my past you know. i kinda have this fear of waking up one day and not remembering the things that happened in my life, not remembering the people or little experiences that affected my life in one way or another that brought me to where i am today. 

somehow i wonder how people can just choose to, or even want to forget certain memories from their past. and how they can just meet new people and experience new things and not feel bothered for not sustaining the connection they had with the people and things from their past. but hey, maybe that's just part of growing up that i still havent quite understand yet. and no, i'm not saying that i have maintained good relationships with everyone that i've met in the past and neither am i still connected with all other things that i've experienced. and yes, i do feel bad abt that at times. (again, i don't think i'm making sense. but oh well..) but, yar... ok my train of thought just suddenly stopped 0.0 wtf. lol

hmm.. ok i guess i'm just wondering if i'm the only one feels this way.. yeah:)

1:23 AM